The series continues. Like any good plot, pacing is essential. As such, while dinosaurs are most certainly on the menu, they shouldn’t be just bursting onto the scene from the word go. First you have to wade through page after page of excruciating exposition on airport security and in flight movies before our heroes ever arrive at the dino country of their destination. Return your tray tables to the upright position and buckle in, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

As should be apparent, we have returned from our holiday. We went to Italy and drove around between various campsites, installing ourselves in locations of opulence and luxury and eating all of the gelato. Slight problems arose from reliance on a road map of Italy that showed the country in rather smaller scale than might have been helpful, and also dated back to a time when Yugoslavia was still one of Italy’s neighbours. Only the timely intervention of GPS on a mobile phone prevented catastrophic holiday issues. I can’t quite remember what people did before sat nav, but since I haven’t heard too many stories, I assume that people who got lost abroad just used to accept it and start a new life wherever they found themselves. Like so many things, we may never know for sure.

Time for a holiday for our lovable rogues. Like all holidays, it should involve rest, relaxation and refreshment. Unlike most holidays, this vacation may instead involve panic, fear and genetically enhanced reptiles. Enjoy! We’re headed to Italy for two weeks, during which time I hope to encounter a maximum of zero man-eating carnivores. Upon our return, the kiwi takes flight… for Isla Nublar

Just because you live in a desolate, terrifying wasteland ruled over only by those insane or brutal enough to seize power from the weak, it doesn’t follow that PR and advertising should become a relic of the past. Indeed, in these situations it is more important than ever to project a strong brand. You need to show the populace that you are strong, courageous and wise, yet also sufficiently tender and caring that they won’t immediately seek to overthrow you the moment you lift your bootheel from their necks.

In particular, if you are in the process of building a well rounded harem, in hopes of siring the perfect son to take over from you when you’re gone, nothing is more critical than getting your brand message right. A few words could make all the difference between a harmonious (if oppressive and odious) arrangement, and a large scale vehicular road war resulting in your untimely death.

The biggest game of all. If you’ve missed it, Big Game is a historical drama about the Moore presidency in the mid 19th century. During a political trip to the Russian Federation, the presidential jet was shot down by a splinter group of independent mercenaries. Despite odds stacked against him, the president ran into a young boy who was undertaking a coming of age hunting trip in the wilderness. The kiwi’s take on the ensuing adventures plays out above.

This is probably the primary problem with being a machine person – malevolent or otherwise. Finding a reliable power source never seems to be a problem – my wall sockets basically always work as long as we keep paying the electricity bill – but there’s something deeply unreliable about wifi routers. If you somehow have one that never has a fault of any kind, then congratulations! Don’t get too excited though – your house is likely to be ground zero for the impending robot uprising.

I’m experimenting a little bit with the artwork – let me know if you think not having borders at the edges of each panel is an improvement or a gross affront.

Oh oh! I’ve got another shirt up for sale at Teefury all this week – it’s about books! Click on the link below to go there and buy many, many of these for your friends and family. It’s art, but it’s also educational, so the outlay would be fully justified.

This one moves!

If not entirely clean energy. This comic is actually the byproduct of a paper I have recently authored on the wasted potential energy available in rotating skeletons. Even a very basic dynamo could convert that spin into valuable energy – and the people on the Nobel Prize committee certainly seem to think so, judging by the size of the medal they posted to me. If anyone can find any flaws in the hypothesis as presented, please email them to science@nobelprize.smart.

Ah, the guy with a hard past who has laid down his gun. It’s been done many times, in many ways. Always the writer seeks for new plot twists to keep things unpredictable – but the greatest twist of all has been hiding right in front of their noses this whole time.

If you really want to keep the audience guessing, have the first half hour of the film slowly establish the main character as a person with a long, dark, violent history. Perhaps they have certain skills, or a determined ruthlessness that brooks no opposition. Now theirs is a life of quiet, peaceful existence. They have left the old ways behind, gone off the grid. Thusly established, the remaining 60 minutes of the movie depicts a life of carefree retirement, completely unmolested by the ghosts of their past. Game, set, match.

Thinking about it, you could actually make a watchable film with that formula – where, in the final scene, some goon from the days of yore shows up unannounced with violence in their eyes, and just as things are about to kick off you smash cut to credits. 90 minutes of movie, 0 minutes of action! It’s a thinker. Anyway, John Wick is the biopic of Keanu Reeves’ life, in which he leaves behind a gritty life as a mob hitman, trading in his gun for a surfboard as he films the hit movie Point Break. After a long and critically acclaimed career in showbiz, he retires from that as well, and goes on to place 4th in his bi-annual village lawn bowls tournament.

Period drama time! Alan Rickman’s A Little Chaos is fast approaching. It’s about 17 century France, floppy silk cuffs and landscape gardening, which sounds like a genre that could easily take the place of vampires and werewolves as the hot new teen craze for the mid 2010s.

In this seminal film, Kate Winslet plays a renegade gardener in a kingdom where gardening is confined to strict, government mandated rules. So, in fact, it’s a lot like Divergent if you replace the faction system with gardening. Or Footloose if, instead of dancing, you’re talking about rogue gardening. There are gardens in this film. It’s like if Alan Rickman narrated the Chelsea Flower Show, except it’s about one woman’s quest to install a gigantic statue of a cheeky gnome in the very centre of the gardens of the Palace of Versailles. The trailer also leads me to believe that there is a molten core of romance running through it, so if you’re not so into the whole gardening deal then there’s a little something on the side to keep you entertained.

Everybody pay attention! Something important is happening.