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For persistent narwhal infestations, One Legged Kiwi recommends the goldfish technique. Despite their relatively large size, by corkscrewing the animal’s body back and forth, most narwhals can be made to fit into the U bend of a typical household toilet – a tip I learned from the recent ‘Frozen Planet’ series on the BBC. The domestic sewage system can then be relied on to disorient and deposit the animal a reasonable distance from your home, often preventing even the most resourceful of homing instincts from staging a successful return trip.

The Lord of the Herrings is an exciting new story about the adventures of a group of peace loving, pipe smoking fish named the bobbins. Grobo Bagfins inherits a hoop of enchanted coral from his uncle, and finds himself on a most unexpected adventure with his three friends – Gam Samgee, Ferry and Flippin. Things hot up as they race against time to destroy the coral ring, and defeat the evil manatee Snarlon. It will be out on cinemas this April.

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